Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
