I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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