I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
