the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
