Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
