Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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