her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
