Porn is love you can see.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
