A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
