i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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