Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize