Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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