Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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