He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
