And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
