The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
