Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
