Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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