My hand turned me down
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
two words: eviction party
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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