Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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