I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
im holly from the hills drunk
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
