I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
