Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just found a bag of teeth...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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