dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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