I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
