Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
