Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
