eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
