My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
