I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize