today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
