I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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