my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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