so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize