btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
