oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
