you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I smell stomach acid.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
