from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
