trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
