I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
