I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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