Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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