Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
