my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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