So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
