His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
