Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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