Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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