She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize