you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
