it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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