Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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