i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
