I have demons in me.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
