google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
