Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
