Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
