Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize