From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
