Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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