Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
