I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
