She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize