i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
