I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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