saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
