This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
