My balls are so social today.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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