So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
