Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
