I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
