Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We named our party play list daddy issues
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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