Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
