if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
