there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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