It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
