She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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