i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
