my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
