Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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