A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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