Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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