alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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