all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just gargled with NyQuil
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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