About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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