Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
