he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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