I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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