where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
