Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
