My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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