Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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