we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
